even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's just like the Real World with babies
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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