i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
