I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
