id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
