I can tuck mytits in my pants
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
