He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize