He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
