Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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