respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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