His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
