Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it because I queefed?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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