who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
