so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
