You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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