Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
