I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
