not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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