Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
