Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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