You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
