I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
