Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
