I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
