Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
