i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
