Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
