i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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