You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize