Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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