As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
