he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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