how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
