we're blogging at a bar
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
