oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
