Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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