yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
