I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
