he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
