College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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