some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
