It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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