I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
