I cockslap morals
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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