This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
