She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
