At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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