She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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