o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
