I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
