is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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