You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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