nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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