hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
