if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
