I just saw a hot homeless man
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
