She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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