First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
