Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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