The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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