Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
