Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
