He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
