I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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