some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
