I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
