Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
