i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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