Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
