You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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