my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
