Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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