dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
