Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
