CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
