turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize