just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
