got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
