Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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