I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
