so explain again why im purple
no
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I just sharted jello shots
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