you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
