My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
