Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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