The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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