i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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